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Saturday, August 20, 2011

Letting Go....

Sorry to have been MIA for a bit.  The bout of diverticulitis was more painful and took about a full week to recover.  I have since finished my massive amounts of antibiotics and have healed nicely, although they say it takes a full 2 months for things to be completely healed on the inside.  I was lucky to have gone in right away.  Now to work on prevention.

Even though I have been sick and not feeling the best it didn't stop this mama from going to our annual "Clark County Fair."  Sure I was slow and didn't have my usual energy but I wasn't about to let my kids down.  This past Thursday we took the kids to Long Beach to the kite festival.  It was AMAZING!  (pictures to come later).  I have never seen so many kites in my life!  Mark bought the kids each a mini kite and we went to a park and flew kites for hours.  It was the simplest trip but it was very much LOVED!

The kids are getting ready to start school in a couple weeks.  I can hardly believe that summer is almost over. They received their teacher assignments in the mail.  They start August 31.  Luke is going into 3rd grade and Grace into 1st.

This fall will be the first time in a long time that I haven't prepared a classroom.  You see...there is NO classroom, no job, no prospect of job.  It has taken me nearly 3 months to decided to LET GO of it.  To stop worrying and trust that I have NO idea what God's plan is, but I am TIRED of fighting, pleading and worrying about something in which I have no control.  I have had the most difficult time LETTING GO of my identity that is wrapped around the word "TEACHER".  Somehow I think LETTING GO of "teacher" is like LETTING GO of a part of myself.  But I decided that it is time to LET GO and focus my attention on Luke, and Grace and Isabella....and instead of being a special education teacher....I am going to the special education mom.  In some ways I feel that I am in a foreign land with NO classroom to plan, lessons to write, meetings to go to, supplies to buy for "my students".  Instead, I have bought supplies for my babies that will go off to school in a couple weeks, organized clothes, tutored subjects, bought lunch boxes and spruced up back packs.  I have started to make plans with my sidekick Miss B.  I have toddler library time picked out, and my big job of the year won't be transitioning 12 kids into my classroom, but transitioning an 18 month old to stay in the gym child watch so I can work out sans children. :)  I am already thinking towards fall, decorating for fall and slowing down to participate my own children's education rather than being the educator for others.  Perhaps by LETTING GO of "teacher" I can discover the BEAUTY of the gift being GIVEN to me.  It's time to surrender MY plans and seek NEW ones.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

what is it they say, "let go and let God" I think you should add a little you time into your new schedule :)

Carissa said...

I agree completely....so important to take some time for yourself. It helps make me feel stronger...it's been a long time.

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