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Saturday, July 21, 2012

The GIRLS (A glimpse into my past)

When we were in Yakima, we had a chance to visit with Luke's biological sisters J and A.  It had been just about a year since the last time they saw each other.  I always feel so privileged to watch the reunion between them, as if to thank them for letting me witness their "moment".  
If you have ever had any question or doubt about whether biological siblings will remember anything about each other if they are separated, I can assure you THEY DO!  It is as if, in an instant there is a bond between the three of them that cannot be undone.  I always watch in amazement as they "assume" their "birth order" roles.  Which Luke being the "oldest" in our home, automatically becomes the "youngest" in the sibling group.  And what is even more AMAZING is he lets them tell him what to do!  (That NEVER happens in our home.)  The bond between them is sweet and beautiful.  I love to watch them love each other.  And while my heart breaks that the visits don't last forever, I am thankful for their family who recognizes and understands the importance of seeing each other.  

The "girls" hold a VERY special place in my heart.  They were MY babies for a few months.  I rocked, and held and hugged and kissed and cared for them.  I turned a bedroom into a princess castle.  A, had all the matching purple furniture and J, had all the matching pink furniture.  When A and J and Luke lived with us all together at the same time, I had a 3 year old, 2 year old and 1 year old all with VERY special needs.   I can remember the schedule like it was yesterday...A had special preschool 4 days a week, J had special preschool 2 days a week, plus physical therapy and speech therapy, Luke had physical therapy, and lots of doctors appointments.  All three had parent visits throughout the week, and all three had ear tubes, all three in diapers.  Both A and J were being looked at by a developmental pediatrician.  They would cling onto my legs, begging to be held, crying, saying "up mommy".  I didn't have enough arms.  

(I will always and forever remember J and A this way. This is how I see them in my mind!)

Ultimately we decided (DCFS and Mark and I) that they needed to separate the children so that their needs could be met.  Some would argue that we did the wrong thing.  Truthfully, seeing the 3 of them together now, I feel pains of guilt knowing that I could have changed their destiny.  I also am 33 years old now and have trained as a special educator.  I was 24 at the time the 3 kiddos lived in our home.  I have matured a bit :) 

I am the one now that gets to answer the tough questions like "why don't I live with my sisters?"  and help him work through the crying when he misses them.  With adoption, you can never erase the past, wipe it clean, make a fresh start.  We can look at the past, learn from it, and move forward.  As much as this mama would like to erase the hurt, and tears, and medical issues to make everything wonderful for my baby boy....I.CAN'T.  So I tell him the TRUTH, that all 3 of them had special needs, and all the adults that cared for him in his life decided that we all needed more help.  That is when they found a forever home for A and J.  A nice couple that didn't have any children.  The GIRLS became everything to them!  And another family was made!  
All 3 kiddos were adopted on the same day, together in their families!  It was very special.  





Playing jacks with my other cuties!


I love the tenderness between A and Luke.  She must have said 10 times we were there "I love you Luke!"  


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