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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

One More Thing...

I am still trying to decide why I scheduled an unearthly amount of appointments all in the same week.  Was I out of my mind???? Regardless it has been the week of appointments and the week is only half over.  All three wee ones needed well child checks.  Throw in a couple of therapies, baseball, the dentist (for me) and an IEP meeting for good measure and you have my week in a nut shell.  Ok...breathe :)

The good news is the sun is shining. It leaves my soul feeling refreshed and my outlook happy, regardless of how some of the appointments for my wee ones have gone. 

Can I just be real honest for a minute??? Confession...I'm sick of taking my wee ones to all these doctors (primary cares, specialists, dentists etc.).  I'm tired of "hearing the latest gadget" and being "sold" on the newest intervention and being told twenty more things I NEED to do and a hundred more doctors I need to take them to (ok I am exaggerating).  So-in-so has a huge cavity, you let her use the binky too long, she's not potty trained yet? etc., etc., etc.,  I'm done hearing one doctor say one thing, only to be told by another that information is incorrect and then given new information.  It leaves this mommy's head spinning and a heaviness in the pit of my stomach knowing that I am going to go against one or the other doctor.  I am tired of justifying my decisions.   Ok...rant over. 

It doesn't mean I don't believe in doctors/dentist and medication and the such. Quite the opposite, but I have reached a point I am tired.  I am tired of thinking I am fighting the right race only to be told I started the wrong one.  I sit here questioning and wondering if the doctor is right.  Today I decided that I am going to trust my gut my more and worry less about what a doctor/dentist thinks or decides.  After today's appointment with Grace, I need to take her to see another doctor (because the one I already did the doctor doesn't know), it's a 6 to 8 month wait list for that doctor, get a weighted blanket for her, special shirts, have a sleep apnea test, and try a new iLs pillow to then purchase.  I sit there saying great...where is this money going to come from.  I stay at home and there is no extra money.  I felt that being here was the MOST important thing.  Now I am told I need these THINGS that cost extra money to help my child.  Really??? It's not a winning situation. 

When they found out that we pulled Grace out of school....it was like a deer in head lights look.  Seriously...walk a mile in my shoes and then tell me your opinion.  I put up my wall at that point.  Don't mess with mama bear.  Sometimes I wonder if I fight to hard.  Is there such thing?  I'd love Grace to return to school, but she is NOT ready.  I would love to put her in a small private Christian school, but no extra money.  A scholarship might be available...maybe.  But 5,000 dollars is A LOT to come up with a school year. 

The thing that is most difficult for me is to think that I have everything figured out and then something/someone comes along and tells me I don't.  It bursts my bubble of confidence and leaves me deflated.  I hate that.  I am tired of that.  I don't want feel this way anymore.  These are my children....I am educated...I am qualified....I am THEIR mom.  I do know what is best for them.  They have lives to lead and God has BIG plans for each of the wee ones lives.  It is my job to help them find their path.  Sometimes I just don't think it is continuously in a medical providers office...I truly believe that each one will find who they are supposed to be. 

"...plans to give you a hope and a future."~Jeremiah 29:11

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