There is not one of us that has gone unscathed by grief during this pandemic. It is a lingering friend, that has overstayed their welcome. How many of you can identify something you are grieving about? I can look around in my small inner circle of friends and family and identify all kinds of grief in the last 165 days. Some have had to cancel travel plans and trips, and others the grief over losing their jobs. Some...have been dealing with the unthinkable grief of losing a loved one during this time. As if that is not hard enough (grieving for your loved one), they are often grieving the loss of being able to plan funerals and memorial services they way that they would have liked to.
In my immediate family, my kiddos have grieved the loss of their "normal" world of school and friends. In a matter of days, they lost their entire social circles, schools, teachers and routine. Now, many months later they are grieving the start of their school years, by clicking buttons to enter and exit virtual classrooms. My daughter started high school in her bedroom on a chrome book. It was surely not the "welcome to high school" experience that I wanted for her. The littlest Dahl has been asking to go to school everyday for the past two weeks. "I want to go to school," he exclaims. I wish buddy...I wish.
Grief has touched each one of us. Myself included. I have shared this with approx. three people. In February, I applied for graduate school. It has been a dream of mine since 2005 to earn my masters degree in education. I came very, very close to finishing my masters degree in 2007, and took a leave of absence from college because we had just adopted our second kiddo (Grace). To make a long story short, I wasn't able to complete the last couple of classes due to miscommunication and a paper filing error on the schools part.
It has taken me nearly nine years to let all of that go, to forgive and to have the courage to say, "I would like to try again." So in February, I began the application process at George Fox University to earn my masters in education with a specialization in reading and literacy. It took ALOT of work to apply. Essays, letters of recommendation, transcripts, etc. It was a long process. I finally heard in July that I had been accepted into the program! I was so excited!!! I paid the registration fee to hold my spot. One week later...I found out that my kids would be distance learning again. After so much soul searching I realized that I would not be able to do both (grad school and distance learn with my kids). I contacted my advisor to tell him the news. It was a very difficult call for me. Ultimately, we decided to defer my start date until next fall and thankfully I do not have to reapply. Giving that up this year was difficult for me and I am still processing the grief.
We’ve all lost things this year. In fact, I have heard many people describe 2020 as “the lost year.” I can’t help but thinking, “was there some great lesson I am supposed to be learning from all this?” But..maybe there isn’t any lesson to be learned. Maybe life just is hard sometimes. Circumstances stink and life isn’t fair. I can’t control anything, and that is a scary feeling. The one thing I can control is myself, my reactions, my attitude. I’ll be honest...I’ve thrown some pretty ripping fits during all of this COVID crap. I am not proud. So not proud. But more times than not I’ve been patient, or caring or tried to do the right thing. So take heart my friends...keep showing up, keep trying, keep taking it day by day. We can all get through this. We can exist in spaces of grief and joy, sorrow and happiness, all
at the same time.
