Week 4 @ The Dahlhouse: Meetings & Projects & Trucks

Week 4 at the Dahlhouse was hard week.  Some weeks just are.  So much going on and trying to hold down the house while Mark is busy working (traveling) can take it's toll after a while.  My Monday was insane and there were moments where I wasn't sure if we were all going to make it though.  I found this quote that is so true.  On Monday I was a little bit of everything all rolled into one mom.  

Monday I had a big meeting for Luke at his school.  It wasn't because anything was going wrong, but because sometimes you just are hoping things can be better, and hopeful everyone can be on the same page.  No matter how many of these meetings I sit in over the years, they are never easy.  Even when you are all on the same side.  A lot of meetings feel like "us vs. them."  However, I am happy that this meeting was...them with us...working with us...to make sure everyone was up to date on Luke.  Monday, Mark was in Pasco, so I was flying solo on this meeting.  Mark is my rock and it's difficult to go to these meetings without him.  He is incredible source of support.  Luke's tutor; however, was an amazing support and additional advocate for Luke.  I was so thankful she was there.  I did well...despite choking back some tears at times.  I surely didn't want to cry, although I easily could have.  Even though I know all the truth about Luke and his special needs...it is never easy to hear others talk about it.  I keep going...one foot in front of the other.  Advocate...advocate...advocate his worth.

Birthday prep is underway during this week at the Dahlhouse.  I can hardly believe this little guy is going to turn two in just a few weeks.  Seriously...where has the time gone.  It has flown by.  I am really enjoying this stage.  He is funny, opinionated, strong willed, sweet, loveable, has his own personality and likes...he is joy!

Matthew LOVES his trucks!  I am so excited he is getting his two year pictures taken this next week with our favorite photographer: Brienne Kristen Photography.  And the theme will be....you guessed it "TRUCKS!"  I was looking through the newborn pictures she took of Man Cub (2 years ago) and can hardly believe he was that small.   

Projects were accomplished this week.  Luke completed his Revolutionary War Timeline.  It was a major class project for Humanities; but Luke did an amazing job.  I am very proud.  He made it out of sheetrock.  I am also excited that he will be getting to see these places when he goes on the DC Trip.

This is what was happening when I was working with Luke and not paying attention to Man Cub's every move.  Goldfish, board games and toys!

His favorite toys are anything with wheels!  He will say "choo-choo," "car," and "bus".

Grace had an ortho appointment this week.  Braces are getting closer and closer for her.  She is excited to get her teeth her fixed.  I know it will give her more confidence.  

I found this little gem when I was cleaning out the diaper bag.  Seriously!  This girl!!!  I LOVE her!!! It's glamor shots at Chuck E Cheese.

 Brother bonding.

Mark and I went to the Portland Auto Show this week and Man Cub tagged along.  Vehicles are another one of Matthew's love languages.  He LOVED getting in and out of all the cars.  He walked around saying "beep-beep".  People thought he was the cutest!   I agree.

We call this the "silent fit".  Matthew protests when he doesn't like something.  He doesn't yell or cry.  Just lays there and makes faces at you.  In this example we made him get out of the car and he didn't like that idea.  He went and laid down in the middle of the Toyota display.  Awesome.  We are obviously winning at this parenting thing.

I love this picture...we are in my dream car.  Someday!  It is a Land Rover Range Rover.  It was pretty much the best.  I am grateful for a busy, crazy, loud life, and to get to do the job of advocate for my kids.

Week #26 & 27 @ The Dahlhouse

Summertime is in full swing at the Dahlhouse.  I am enjoying having a more relaxed schedule.  Even within the down time of summer, we continue to have a "schedule".   Monday's find us traveling to and fro from our little community library.  I finally found it!  It is the sweetest little library and perfect for my kiddos to peruse the aisles searching for the perfect book.  Bella calls it "book shopping" and cracks me up each time she says it. 

Water fills many of our hot days. 

Because this little one LOVES water sooo much, we have decided not to set up our big pool this summer.  Instead we have opted for a smaller pool that can be emptied when finished.

However, the size of the pool does not stop the big kiddos from joining in on the activities.  Pool is a pool.  LOL.  Grace is a joy!  She and Matthew have such a special bond and Grace is an excellent helper.  I can always count on her for Matthew help.  She is growing up.  Can't.even.believe.it!

Even though it is summer, the process of fighting and advocating for my kids does not take time off.  Even on a warm Monday, you can find us in the doctor's office with double appointments because this mama has a concern.  Man...I LOVE MY BOYS!  Luke is struggling...he is such a sweet, beautiful soul.  What a privilege to be his mama.  In the midst of Luke's of trials and hard stuff....I am crazy, deeply grateful for my amazing son!  He bring such joy and how I love him and the good God that brought us together.  Pray for him if you think of him.  We've had some very hard days around these parts. 

And oh Matthew...the little person I wished for that I didn't know that I needed!  Matthew is in Infant Toddler Early Intervention.  We have therapy for him for language delays.  He also is tip toe walking. I am concerned and needed the doctor to look at him.  After an exam and four xrays that left us both sweating and crying, he was referred for a pediatric therapy evaluation.  Knowledge is power.  We will be happy if he is fine, and happy to get help if he needs it. 

I finished this book in June.  Wow!  I knew it would be a hard read...and it was.   As a mama that has had both life and death within her...that has said goodbye to three little babies I never knew...my soul needed to read this.  I needed to feel it again.  I needed to grieve a bit more.  I needed to let myself go there.  And I did.  I cried the ugly cry more than once and surprised myself that even after 15, 14 and 12 years ago of losing my babies, the memories, the pain, the dreams and hopes for these little tiny humans were still there.  I allowed myself to feel it and talk about it.  And.it.was.good.  I am glad that I read this book. 

My photobook from Shutterfly arrived.  I designed one about our anniversary trip to Hawaii.  It turned out better than I expected and I highly recommend them.

My scar from my skin cancer is healing very well.  It is better than I could have imagined!  I am very happy. 

 Everyone needs a batman in their life!

 And a baby with a cat on their heads!  Thank you Facebook messenger!!!

 BBQing at Mimi and Papa's.

 Holding on to Hope while parenting on difficult days.

Bella had the opportunity to take a Mandarin lesson through a company called Lingo Bus.  It is a partner company with the one I work for VIPKID.  She loved it!  She is obsessed with Chinese culture.  She loves Panda's, Chinese food and learning people's names in Chinese.  I heart her so!

We've been selling pizza cards as a fundraiser for 4h.  This is our new mini rex rabbit.  She is super soft.

Papa and Mimi took Luke this last weekend for an overnight at their house.  They also took him golfing!  I am hoping that Luke will be able to join the high school golf team in a couple of years.  He really loves it and I think it would be very good for him.

Finally two of my kids promoted grades/classes on Sunday!  Bella moved up to the first grade class.  And Luke graduated out of children's church on Sunday mornings.  He is now going to be a helper for the younger kids classes.  Grace is excited as well because she gets to begin going to youth group.  Tonight is her first night!

What the World Needs....

....is less worry about soaring gas prices and more sisters ROCKIN' sun glasses in February!!!!

Discouraged...but still fighting

Sometimes when it rains....it pours.  This was true this past week.  The week started typical...Monday morning errands and such.  What the rest of the week would entail, would be absolutely unbelievable.  Through the process of researching Luke's most current IEP, I discovered that the school district was not providing services listed on Luke's IEP.  He had been missing 45 minutes of services per week.  Not only was this a HUGE oversight by the school district, it is illegal.  Luke is entitled to a free and appropriate education and they failed to provide that.  The director of special education is involved now and I am seeking restitution for the missed services and service time for Luke. 

This situation leaves such a bad tasted in my mouth.  I entrusted my son into their care.  I even spent time talking with the staff at the school before I enrolled him to let them know my concerns, thoughts and apprehensions.  They broke that trust and now I feel that I have to check and double check just to make sure Luke is getting his services and they are doing their jobs. I just always feel like I am fighting and fighting and fighting. If I let my guard down for one minute, I feel that something horrible might happen.

This situation has caused me to question everything.  Education, special education, IEP's, what really is important in the education of a child.  I am left feeling empty, confused and sad.  It even makes me wonder why we have special education when staff doesn't care to read or follow the IEP (Individualized Education Plan).  It is absolutely disappointing.  I think was is the most frustrating for me is that the school district and teachers were cheating my son, Luke, out of what was legally and rightfully his.  Really!!! They are messing with my baby.  He has been through so much, and to now to have those that are supposed to be protecting, educating him and helping him, not even follow through makes this mama MAD (to say the very least).

On the home front...I am really missing Mark.  He is gone a lot and I am left to ease the feelings and actions of 3 little people who miss him dearly.  When Mark was home this week, it seemed everything and everybody was just pulling him away from spending a few minutes together.  His phone would ring (a friend), his phone would ring (friend from work)...van had a leaky tire, the neighbor needed his help, the neighbor needed advice, the church needed him to go down to the bank to sign some papers for something, etc, etc...

To top it off, the one night we had together with him home this week Bella got sick.  Of course, Friday night, she would not be feeling well.  She wouldn't go to sleep and had difficulty staying asleep. Up at 11pm, up at 2am, up for the day at 4am.  I knew right away she had an ear infection.  Got up Saturday (well waited for Urgent Care to open) and took her to the doctor.  DOUBLE EAR INFECTIONS.  The doctor said her ears were bright red and bulging.  This is her 4th ear infection in less than a year.  I think we have ear tubes in her future.  It might be time to call Dr. Wilson.  Ughh.  My poor baby.  Mark's train was called when Bella and I were still at the doctors, so we missed spending time with him again.  Thankful for both Grandma and Mimi, who stopped by today. 

Tonight I was supposed to get to go to a girl's night...a night off.  I had a babysitter and was really looking forward to grown-up conversation and a time to vent, laugh and not have responsibility for a couple of hours.  But..due to the ear infections it didn't happen.  I really needed that break too.  Oh well..Bella needs me and I am where I am supposed to be...but I can feel disappointed.  Another time.

So that is my fantastic week in a nutshell.  I am believing next week will be better.  Despite all the difficulties I am thankful for so many things...a home, my children, my husband, a place where I can access medical care for my child on a Saturday, friends that care and grandmas and Mimi's that stop in and help out.  Tonight I am thankful to the doctor who prescribed numbing ear drops for my baby, so that for the first time in 4 nights I will be able to get some sleep in my bed and not sitting in a rocking chair.

Our Comical Day!

Seriously....I should have stayed in bed this morning!!!! Do you ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong?  Where you feel the universe is just trying to test your patience to see if you will break?  WELL....today I had ONE of those DAYS!

It started out ok.  Kids were arguing with each other about something of little importance (like who looked at who the WRONG way) or (so-in-so touched my baby toe, etc.) Yes... real earth shattering stuff, but normal for our home.

In an attempt to help Miss B find a milk product that doesn't make her sick, I have tried many different milk products.  She has had a difficult time adjusting to whole milk.  Well...I guess "difficult" would be the wrong word since she has "not" adjusted yet.  We (or should I say "I") have been dealing with Miss B's stomach issues when it comes to milk.  I had no sooner gotten out of the shower and put on fresh clothes from the dryer when...yes..you can guess it...she promptly threw-up all over me (somehow missing herself completely)..talent that girl has :)  So... she shall remain on toddler formula since it is the only thing that is not making her sick.

While somehow managing to grab a towel while holding a baby and trying to save the carpet from demise, Grace walks through the front door (the older 2 were out helping daddy) and announces "I have cat poop on my leg."  FAB-U-LOUS.  I am screaming for Mark who is happily working out in the garage.  The combination of the vomit and the cat poop is almost enough to send me over the edge.  When I mange to hobble over to inspect Grace she not only has cat poop on her leg, but also on her dress, shoes and now the floor.  Again FABULOUS! What is one to do?  Unable to throw in the towel (because it was covered with vomit) I did what any good mom would do...set the screaming baby in the pack-in-play, quickly change my clothes in the laundry room and disinfect the 6 year old.  Then clean and disinfect the floor.  And yes...we don't have cats.  Doesn't seem quite fair?

The day continues...baby naps, kids eat lunch and fight over who gets the blue spoon (normal).  Daddy goes off to work.  He is gone 5 minutes before I hear the words that no mother ever wants to hear when daddy is not at home, "Mom...the bathroom floor is wet...there is water all over the floor."  WHAT? I scream.  Yes water shooting out of the top of the toilet.  FABULOUS.  I call Mr. Dahl at work and explain the situation in hysterics.  "There is water shooting out of the top part of the toilet".  His advice...put a "Do Not Use" sign on the toilet.  What?  That is it?  No help?  He says he will fix it when he comes home and instructs me how to turn off the water to the toilet.  Great.  I clean up 3 towels full of water off the floor and instruct the children to  "Do Not Use" the toilet.  :)

I announce to the kids we are getting out of the house...going somewhere, anywhere to see what is going on in the world outside our doors.  We load up in the van and 5 minutes into a trip to the park 2 of my 3 children are sleeping.  Great!  We return home.  I make dinner, put kids to bed, and promptly CALL MY MOM!

Worry

I wish I could shake this feeling of tiredness. I just feel so unsettled much of the time. I am pulled in too many directions and I feel not effective in any one area. It is frustrating. This month especially has been difficult. I think three of the five of us have been on antibiotics. I have filled more prescriptions that I can imagine and have managed 7 to 8 trips to various doctors. I wish I could have the luxury to just focus on the kids and the house. Gosh...it is a full time job in an of itself. With the medical and the therapies and the follow through it is so much. It seems any time Mark and I have together is a medical appointment for one of the kids. It's difficult to keep asking for someone to watch the kids after you feel like you ask them so much.

Can I be honest? I just feel like I am FAILING at EVERYTHING. I sit here in tears as my house lays in shambles because I can't seem to find the energy. Medical records need to be organized, the fridge cleaned out, carpets cleaned, bedding washed (again), etc., etc. It's hard to even unload the dishwasher when you have a baby that won't let you put her down. I took on a mentoring case through the Division of Children and Family Services this month for extra money and I have an interview with the Evergreen School District to work part-time at the Early Childhood Center (teacher special ed to 3 to 5 year olds, like I did with VECC). It is just a 2 month position. It sounds crazy, but financially we are treading water with some big expenses looming over our heads. We need a new roof, the car needs new tires, the van needs new tires and timing belt, Mark needs braces (not for cosmetic purposes but to help save his teeth from breaking down). I lay in bed at night and WORRY about where this is coming from and feel that it is my fault we are in this position because I chose not to return to work this last fall. So, I guess I take the responsibility on that I am the one that has to fix it. I don't know how it will all work. One sacrifice for another I guess. How do I make it all work? This is where I wish I could still call my dad on the phone and ask for help. He ALWAYS had an answer. Gosh I really miss him.

My HEART is with my KIDS and HOME. Luke requires so much. I am not complaining but stating a fact. There is NO manual that tells me how to raise him with MANY special needs. Currently with him I am managing 4 medications, glasses, a listening program (to help with sensory issues), glaucoma, tourette syndrome, adhd, microcephaly, his IEP re-eval, karate and OT. He needs extra help with homework and help being tutored with his handwriting. I LOVE being his mom. GRACE is doing well, but will be starting speech therapy on the 14th. She needs extra help with handwriting, needs extra attention. She is in ballet. ISABELLA, is on her third ear infection in 2 months, cut 4 molars, and needs my attention too. I haven't slept well in weeks.

I just want to feel like I can be successful in one area of my life instead of just "putting out fires". This was my day today...Left house at 8am to take Grace to school, got home took Bella to Albertson's to stock up on cereal and milk since they were having a great deal this week. Ran to post office to mail off World Vision Stuff, and mail off first part of adoption support re-negotiation for Luke. Paid PO Box fee. Luke went to the doctor for possible ear infection. Ran Bella home, handed her off to dad, changed clothes and went to MVCC for work teaching computers. Came home to an upset baby who proceeded to cry off an on till bed. Yesterday consisted of taking Grace to school, got home took Bella to 1 year check up. While visiting with doctor about Bella, talking about issues with Luke and getting some updates for him. Bella 4 shots and one iron check. Unhappy baby with an ear infection (still). Grabbed lunch on the way to pick up Grace from kindergarten. Got home took down some Valentine decorations, left to pick up Luke from school. Drove to Legacy Salmon Creek and participated with him in therapy. Bought him snacks when it was finished. Went to Target on way home to pick up Bella's prescription. Arrived home at 5:15pm, let Grandma go. Cooked dinner, 3 baths, homework, 3 medications and finally asleep kids. My question is where in the heck do I find time to squeeze more work into that. I could recap Wednesday, but it would be just as a crazy. Sigh. Maybe I am just venting. And thanks for reading if you have made it this far. My heart is torn and I am just looking for answers. I guess it is true when they say "No one can have it all". I just wish I could find a balance. I really wish we had a MONEY tree out back or I won the lottery. :)

I will keep praying that the State of Washington finds favor with my renegotiation for more adoption support. Maybe I can apply for disability for Luke? I don't know. I have been thinking about simplifying to help cut costs. We are also selling the truck. It will help cut gas expense and insurance. Any more IDEAS?

Bouncy Bella

The 30 hour famine was awesome and a lot of work....but WORTH all of the time and effort we put into it. I was only sad that I couldn't be there the whole time with youth, but motherhood is MULTITASKING and most of my babysitters were at the famine, so we made do.

My arms ache tonight from holding Bella most of the day. I don't think she is feeling too fabulous. Her nose is running and she is congested AGAIN. I hope another ear infection is not in my future. She is sleeping now along with her brother and sister. Grace put herself to bed tonight (that is how much we wore them out). Luke went straight to bed and announced how tired he was. I told him that he could feel free to SLEEP IN (he is my 5:30am riser). After burning the midnight oil for 2 consecutive nights, I am ready for bed too. BUT I couldn't help but post this video of Miss B, bouncing away in her exersaucer. Out of all the babies we have had, I have never seen a baby use the exersaucer like this. I totally cracks me up!!!!