Coronavirus: Railroad Wife Edition (Day 66)

Someone asked me the other day, “when is Mark going to be on a “normal” Work schedule again?”  Oh if I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that in the last 18 months!  LOL.  I wish I had answer and knew.  Believe me...there is no one who wants that more than this girl right here.  I think the best answer I can give to that question is when I decide to go back to work as a teacher.  Even part time teaching would be enough money for Mark to work in the train yard instead of traveling on the trains.  The train yard equals a set schedule with set days off.  You see...I had this plan...we had this plan.  I have worked all school year on taking the necessary requirements to renew my teaching license.  I finally finished this past month and submitted all the necessary documentation to the state. But as we all know...the coronavirus is here and has disrupted all our lives.  They really aren’t hiring any teachers right now. Ive applied for a few jobs, but have heard nothing.  VIPKid has decided to cut teacher pay across the board starting August 1. Finally, I had enough bad news and called my mom yesterday and just let it all out (vented, cried, laughed...all the emotions).  Now...we just wait.  

What is it like to live an “on call” schedule with a family?  Mark works for the BNSF Railway as a train conductor.  He has been doing various positions within the company for the past almost 16 years.  My favorite position was when he mentored in Kalama, WA, and my least is him working the “road” or traveling with the train to Pasco and back.  

We have learned to exist in this place where we literally cannot plan anything ahead of time.  Everything, except for his vacation weeks, is done last minute.  Birthday parties, dates, meeting with friends, making appointments, holidays, school events, etc. is all decided last minute.  For example, last week was my birthday and mom is wanted to plan a BBQ.  Mark decided to take some personal leave days last week so we could make plans to celebrate my birthday, otherwise it would have been up to the railroad gods what would have happened.  Mom is great about being flexible and making things work too.  

Sometimes I am relaxed and go-with-the-flow and sometimes I HATE it so much.  It is difficult to not be able to plan, And it is also difficult to know exactly how long he has off between trips.  Mark gets a specific amount of “rest time” before they can call him again.  Sometimes Mark can predict when he will get his call for work, and sometimes he is way wrong.  The phone can ring at anytime day or night.  Many nights he kisses me goodbye at 2am, 4am etc.  We just never know.  

Mark and I are planners.  We want to plan.  We want to go out with friends.  But sometimes it just doesn’t work out.  Ive learned to be okay with it mostly, although some days it gets to me (like everyone else).  Ive learned to live in the space of the unknown and needing to be flexible.  When Mark leaves for a trip to Pasco he is usually gone 36 to 48 hours (occasionally sometimes more).  I am on my own.  I have learned to be more self-reliant.  I have fixed vacuums, rescued toddlers from locking themselves in bedrooms, repaired broken trains, fixed TVs, navigated tire rotation, emergency trips to the ER, and I am sure a zillion other little things.  I manage the house, the kids, the bills, the appointments and everything else. 

In the beginning of our marriage Mark worked for a high voltage electrical testing and maintenance company.  I would often spend days and weeks on my own as the company traveled to different work sites.  I think the longest trip apart we had was a little over one month.  He traveled to Texas and then Ohio.  I learned to be independent and self reliant.  It is more different now with kids.  I navigate the physical, emotional and now educational needs of these fabulous four kiddos.  Most days go by in a blur.  Me moving from one task to the next in a kind of choreographed dance.  From dressing, cooking, potty training, and Zoom meetings...to wiping floors, tables and sticky hands...to managing medicine, appointments and behavior...to cleaning toddlers and toilets, clothes and floors.  And before I know it finally to drop into bed at night only to rise in the morning and do it all over again.  

I am not really sure where I am going with this post only to say parenting is hard.  Whether single parenting or both partners together, foster parenting, grandparents raising kiddos...caretaking is hard work.  We all face our challenges, especially in this time of pandemic.  Carry on my fierce friends...we got this!

Life @ The Dahlhouse: Week 2

Not surprising, I already find myself very behind on weekly updates!  This was a goal I had this year... to consistently update my blog so that I have record of the events.  Are you like me, already struggling with your new year's goals?  The struggle is real!  

Week 2 was CRAZY friends!  Monday came and BAM, 4 appointments that day.  Who does that?  I never plan on that happening, but sometimes, once in awhile, all the stars align.  LOL.  That Monday we had an orthodontist appointment, two doctors appointments in a row and a tutoring appointment.  I was wiped out.  And that little cherub spent a lot of time in waiting rooms that day.

Do you ever go through a season of life and you feel like it is a difficult one?  I am right there with you!  I told Mark the other day that we are in a tough season.  There is something BIG going on with everyone of my kiddos, and I am left feeling like I am just not ENOUGH most days.  How do you spread yourself out?  How do you make sure each one has there needs met?  Regardless, I get myself out of bed each morning and try again.

 #truth

Miss B has been REALLY struggling.  Anxiety has set up shop in her little mind.  I'm telling you, it is like looking at a childhood version of myself.  So many of her struggles I relate to so much!  Separating from me leaves her almost panicky.  I leave her in the classroom each day, and walk home in tears myself.  I never let her see me cry, but I fight everything to not scoop her up and take her home with me.  Does anyone have any suggestions that help kiddos with anxiety?  I am all ears!

 Some days are the perfect storm of organic applesauce and fast food chicken nuggets, while we sit in high school algebra class with the oldest.  I am not great at math.  I don't know much algebra.  But me showing up for him, that is the most important thing.  Even with a toddler in tow, who poops in the middle of class, we want Luke to know we are there for him.

*Luke goes to an AMAZING alternative learning school called River Homelink.  He attends class two full days a week and does classwork at home three days a week.  They are very parent welcoming and encourage parents to participate and even bring our pooping toddlers with us.  Haha!

Do you ever bribe your kiddos? If you do, you are MY people!! Confession, I bribe my kids!  To help Miss B get through the day, I promised her we would make cake pops.  So Friday night we made cake pops.  They are surprisingly easy to make.  They just take time, and make a slightly big mess, but WORTH it!

I ended the week at a VIPKID local meet up.  VIPKID is the online teaching company that I work for. It allows me to make extra income working around my schedule.  And as we know, I need a flexible work schedule (four appointments in one day). I teach English to Chinese students in a 1:1 environment.  I share more about my experience on the VIPKID page tab.

If you have ever wanted to teach online, ESL or work with VIPKID I would love to help you through the interview and hiring process.  Simply click this link VIPKID APPLY  .  Then send me an email misscarissa@hotmail.com, and let me know you applied and I will be in contact with you within 24 hours.

"Life is tough darling, but so are you."  ~Stephanie Bennett Henry~

Life @ The Dahlhouse: When ADHD Makes Things Hard

Things have been hard...very hard.  The atmosphere around the house has been tense at times.  I could share pictures of my cute kids (which they are) and share all the funny things they say (which they have); however, life sometimes serves up hard times.  And things have been kind of messy around here.  No clear direct path to the answer.  And for my brain that is difficult.  I want resolution and solutions, and I want the problems fixed, and fixed yesterday.  I am not patient, and I want immediate results.  I don't want to wait.  

Being a special needs parent is tough.  There is no manual, there is no one telling me what to do, and what step to do next.  There is no one feeding me the answers so I don't make mistakes or mess up.  And I know I mess up.  My hearts longing is to make all the right decisions for my kids. But reality is that I am going to mess up.  And I do mess up.  I always worry that I am not doing enough, or that I am doing too much.  Or that I missed a specific therapy that we should have done, or done one that we should NOT have done.  Are they on the right meds?  Should they be on meds? Should they be eating that or NOT eating that?  Sugar...no sugar?  How much screen time...ahhhh the list goes on and on. 

And then their is the voice of guilt in my head...I hear it chastising me over choices made or not made.  Should we have gone gluten free? dairy free? sugar free?  Am I giving them too many choices or not enough choices? Are they going to end up in therapy someday because we didn't do sports, or after school activities?  No matter that our after school activities include trying to the loads of homework or appointments/therapies.  

Then there is the sadness and grief over how I wish my life was sometimes.  Not always do I look through that lens; but sometimes the waves are huge the surprise me and hit me out of no where.  A few weeks ago, I was shopping at Walmart.  Luke had outgrown all his pants seemingly overnight.  The printer had ran out of ink during the all important making of the science fair projects.  So off Luke and I ran to Walmart to pick up pants and ink.  While he was trying on a zillion pairs of pants, I caught sight of his shoes (which were worn).  After we had selected the appropriate pair of pants, we wandered the isles to the back of the store where they display the shoes.  I found a good looking sport shoe that would last until we could find something of better quality.  Shoe shopping with Luke has always been difficult.  Due to sensory needs, he prefers his shoes to feel and fit the exact correct way.  It tries my patience every single time.  I turned to show Luke the shoe, and found he had wandered to the end of the isle.  Right in front of the Velcro shoes.  "Mom I like these," he told me.  I eyed the shoes.  They were black with orange highlights and had three black Velcro bands that sat across the front of the shoe.  They were like the kind he wore when he was 4.  I thought about my words very carefully.  "Buddy, you are 15 years old.  You need to find some shoes that tie."  "But mom," he argued, "I can do these shoes.   They are easy and I don't need help."  I agreed with him in my mind.  "Yes", I told myself, "the kids at school will get one look at these and they will eat him up."  My heart literally broke in that moment.  My boy, not caring what people think wanted the shoes that he could do independently.  And here I am having that moment... that 15 year olds should want to wear NIKE's and not Velcro.  We ended up reaching a compromise, without him knowing any of my thoughts.  There were a pair of shoes that were Velcro but did not look like Velcro.  God bless the designer who made these.  After we returned home, I went up to my closet and cried.  I wish it wasn't so difficult for Luke to tie shoes.  I wish he could fit in with the other kids at school and not stand out.  I wish for so many different things.  I wish everything wasn't a challenge for him.

School this year has been very difficult.  Much more difficult than last year.  I am not sure why, and I have spent many hours wondering this.  Perhaps the kids have been tougher on him, or he has not matured as fast as the other boys, and they notice it.  It is so trying on my mama's heart to watch him go through the struggles, and see the tears, and hear the hurt.  On one particular difficult week, I stopped in to have lunch with him and play Yahtzee during his lunch recess time. I wanted him to know that someone cared, and was rooting for him.  Most of the teachers at Luke's school, understand his needs, and help encourage him.  Many times this year, I have been told by various teachers what a good heart Luke has, or how he helped them, or did something kind.  I use these moments to feel encouraged that I am doing something right as Luke's mom.  That his character is so much, much more important than his grades.  As a former teacher myself, it is difficult for me to do this, but I understand that each kiddo is different, learns different, and goals in life are different.  We have to celebrate the individual victories and triumphs that come along.  Luke is the kid that buys Gatorade for the kids sick on the DC trip, or carries boxes to a teacher's car after school, holds open the door for EVERYONE, and is the first to volunteer.  Gosh, I love him.

The school work has been very difficult too.  So much that has challenged him, angered him, frustrated him.  But somehow we have both banned together and worked our way through it.  I couldn't have done it without the help of tutor that comes to the house twice a week to help me carry the immense load of work.  Stress is a real thing for kiddos with special needs.  Luke feels it and deals with it in ways that he knows how (sometimes ways that are not very constructive).  ADHD is real.  And from my latest research and studies on this disorder, the main concept that continues to be shared by authors, doctors and articles is that ADHD is an executive functioning skills disorder.  At first I was like, "what the heck is executive functioning skills?"  But the more I researched, I found out that those skills are used in every part of our daily lives.  From organizing yourself to get up, get dressed and all the skills that go with that, to staying focused and attentive in class, keeping track of assignments and homework...it's all related to your executive functioning skills.  It is so so difficult for these kiddos with ADHD to be organized in any area.  I am learning, as Luke's mom and advocate, how I can help this summer to work on some of these skills.  As long as there is a breath in me, I will be continuing to educate myself, to educate Luke on how he can do more, be more and embrace the amazing human he is, and share his gifts with the world.  I will continue to build him up and encourage him, and to speak back to the voices that tell him "he can't".  To which I say, "yes you can!"  We need more Luke's in the world.  I am so very lucky to have him in my life.  

Week #26 & 27 @ The Dahlhouse

Summertime is in full swing at the Dahlhouse.  I am enjoying having a more relaxed schedule.  Even within the down time of summer, we continue to have a "schedule".   Monday's find us traveling to and fro from our little community library.  I finally found it!  It is the sweetest little library and perfect for my kiddos to peruse the aisles searching for the perfect book.  Bella calls it "book shopping" and cracks me up each time she says it. 

Water fills many of our hot days. 

Because this little one LOVES water sooo much, we have decided not to set up our big pool this summer.  Instead we have opted for a smaller pool that can be emptied when finished.

However, the size of the pool does not stop the big kiddos from joining in on the activities.  Pool is a pool.  LOL.  Grace is a joy!  She and Matthew have such a special bond and Grace is an excellent helper.  I can always count on her for Matthew help.  She is growing up.  Can't.even.believe.it!

Even though it is summer, the process of fighting and advocating for my kids does not take time off.  Even on a warm Monday, you can find us in the doctor's office with double appointments because this mama has a concern.  Man...I LOVE MY BOYS!  Luke is struggling...he is such a sweet, beautiful soul.  What a privilege to be his mama.  In the midst of Luke's of trials and hard stuff....I am crazy, deeply grateful for my amazing son!  He bring such joy and how I love him and the good God that brought us together.  Pray for him if you think of him.  We've had some very hard days around these parts. 

And oh Matthew...the little person I wished for that I didn't know that I needed!  Matthew is in Infant Toddler Early Intervention.  We have therapy for him for language delays.  He also is tip toe walking. I am concerned and needed the doctor to look at him.  After an exam and four xrays that left us both sweating and crying, he was referred for a pediatric therapy evaluation.  Knowledge is power.  We will be happy if he is fine, and happy to get help if he needs it. 

I finished this book in June.  Wow!  I knew it would be a hard read...and it was.   As a mama that has had both life and death within her...that has said goodbye to three little babies I never knew...my soul needed to read this.  I needed to feel it again.  I needed to grieve a bit more.  I needed to let myself go there.  And I did.  I cried the ugly cry more than once and surprised myself that even after 15, 14 and 12 years ago of losing my babies, the memories, the pain, the dreams and hopes for these little tiny humans were still there.  I allowed myself to feel it and talk about it.  And.it.was.good.  I am glad that I read this book. 

My photobook from Shutterfly arrived.  I designed one about our anniversary trip to Hawaii.  It turned out better than I expected and I highly recommend them.

My scar from my skin cancer is healing very well.  It is better than I could have imagined!  I am very happy. 

 Everyone needs a batman in their life!

 And a baby with a cat on their heads!  Thank you Facebook messenger!!!

 BBQing at Mimi and Papa's.

 Holding on to Hope while parenting on difficult days.

Bella had the opportunity to take a Mandarin lesson through a company called Lingo Bus.  It is a partner company with the one I work for VIPKID.  She loved it!  She is obsessed with Chinese culture.  She loves Panda's, Chinese food and learning people's names in Chinese.  I heart her so!

We've been selling pizza cards as a fundraiser for 4h.  This is our new mini rex rabbit.  She is super soft.

Papa and Mimi took Luke this last weekend for an overnight at their house.  They also took him golfing!  I am hoping that Luke will be able to join the high school golf team in a couple of years.  He really loves it and I think it would be very good for him.

Finally two of my kids promoted grades/classes on Sunday!  Bella moved up to the first grade class.  And Luke graduated out of children's church on Sunday mornings.  He is now going to be a helper for the younger kids classes.  Grace is excited as well because she gets to begin going to youth group.  Tonight is her first night!

The Dahlhouse: Week #19~The Call No One Ever Wants to Get

Waiting for biopsy results,  is a nerve wracking experience.  So when the doctor's phone number flashed on my cell phone screen, I immediately knew this was not good news.  I got the call I had been terrified of getting for years.  The call that I have cancer.   He informed me that the mole I had removed off my arm was benign and one mole off my shoulder was Melanoma in situ.  In situ is classified as stage 0, meaning the cancer is sitting on the top of the skin.  It has not spread, and it is all in one place.  The treatment is surgery to remove more skin surrounding the melanoma and test for clear margins.  Once the margins are clear, the follow up treatment is more frequent skin checks.  In one five minute phone call, I found out I had cancer and was scheduled for surgery the following week.  My head was spinning.

I had a few days of a pretty good pity party.  I vacillated between being extremely thankful it was caught so early, and feeling angry and scared (mom to four kiddos). 

Tuesday, May 9, Mark and I went in for my surgery.  The doctor removed a lot more skin than I was expecting.  Here I am all marked up so the surgeon knows what is being removed.  They used a special light in marking up my skin.  My poor eyes, I had only had one break down in front of the doctor by this point. 

*NOTE: We choose not to tell our kids about my skin cancer at this point.  They know I have moles removed, as this has been happening since I was a teenager.  They knew I had have some additional skin removed but for the time being...they don't need to know.  Especially since I have two kiddos with anxiety disorders.  If you know our family personally, please do not mention this to them as they won't have any idea.  Thank you so much!

Here was my shoulder the night after the surgery.  Out of all the difficulties of this process, not being able to hold Matthew with my right arm has proved the most difficult challenge.  After the skin was removed...I found myself waiting again.  For pathology results.  Waiting to heal.  It has been a lot of waiting. 

I think that one of the most interesting lessons I have learned with all this is that life continues and moves on.  It didn't stop because I found out I have skin cancer.  I continued to teach classes, carry Matthew with one arm, go on a field trip, take the kids to a rabbit show, laugh, go out with friends. 

We even sold our Honda Odyssey during this time period as well. 

I celebrated Mother's day with this sweet girl and her class a few days after surgery.

The three olders and I went to a rabbit show at Clark County Fair Grounds. 

I even sported my 4H shirt and had a pretty good day being with my kids. 

At the end of week #19, I was still waiting on the edge of my chair to hear if things were "all clear" or if I was going to have to undergo another surgery.