Coronavirus: Railroad Wife Edition (Day 66)

Someone asked me the other day, “when is Mark going to be on a “normal” Work schedule again?”  Oh if I had a dollar for every time I have been asked that in the last 18 months!  LOL.  I wish I had answer and knew.  Believe me...there is no one who wants that more than this girl right here.  I think the best answer I can give to that question is when I decide to go back to work as a teacher.  Even part time teaching would be enough money for Mark to work in the train yard instead of traveling on the trains.  The train yard equals a set schedule with set days off.  You see...I had this plan...we had this plan.  I have worked all school year on taking the necessary requirements to renew my teaching license.  I finally finished this past month and submitted all the necessary documentation to the state. But as we all know...the coronavirus is here and has disrupted all our lives.  They really aren’t hiring any teachers right now. Ive applied for a few jobs, but have heard nothing.  VIPKid has decided to cut teacher pay across the board starting August 1. Finally, I had enough bad news and called my mom yesterday and just let it all out (vented, cried, laughed...all the emotions).  Now...we just wait.  

What is it like to live an “on call” schedule with a family?  Mark works for the BNSF Railway as a train conductor.  He has been doing various positions within the company for the past almost 16 years.  My favorite position was when he mentored in Kalama, WA, and my least is him working the “road” or traveling with the train to Pasco and back.  

We have learned to exist in this place where we literally cannot plan anything ahead of time.  Everything, except for his vacation weeks, is done last minute.  Birthday parties, dates, meeting with friends, making appointments, holidays, school events, etc. is all decided last minute.  For example, last week was my birthday and mom is wanted to plan a BBQ.  Mark decided to take some personal leave days last week so we could make plans to celebrate my birthday, otherwise it would have been up to the railroad gods what would have happened.  Mom is great about being flexible and making things work too.  

Sometimes I am relaxed and go-with-the-flow and sometimes I HATE it so much.  It is difficult to not be able to plan, And it is also difficult to know exactly how long he has off between trips.  Mark gets a specific amount of “rest time” before they can call him again.  Sometimes Mark can predict when he will get his call for work, and sometimes he is way wrong.  The phone can ring at anytime day or night.  Many nights he kisses me goodbye at 2am, 4am etc.  We just never know.  

Mark and I are planners.  We want to plan.  We want to go out with friends.  But sometimes it just doesn’t work out.  Ive learned to be okay with it mostly, although some days it gets to me (like everyone else).  Ive learned to live in the space of the unknown and needing to be flexible.  When Mark leaves for a trip to Pasco he is usually gone 36 to 48 hours (occasionally sometimes more).  I am on my own.  I have learned to be more self-reliant.  I have fixed vacuums, rescued toddlers from locking themselves in bedrooms, repaired broken trains, fixed TVs, navigated tire rotation, emergency trips to the ER, and I am sure a zillion other little things.  I manage the house, the kids, the bills, the appointments and everything else. 

In the beginning of our marriage Mark worked for a high voltage electrical testing and maintenance company.  I would often spend days and weeks on my own as the company traveled to different work sites.  I think the longest trip apart we had was a little over one month.  He traveled to Texas and then Ohio.  I learned to be independent and self reliant.  It is more different now with kids.  I navigate the physical, emotional and now educational needs of these fabulous four kiddos.  Most days go by in a blur.  Me moving from one task to the next in a kind of choreographed dance.  From dressing, cooking, potty training, and Zoom meetings...to wiping floors, tables and sticky hands...to managing medicine, appointments and behavior...to cleaning toddlers and toilets, clothes and floors.  And before I know it finally to drop into bed at night only to rise in the morning and do it all over again.  

I am not really sure where I am going with this post only to say parenting is hard.  Whether single parenting or both partners together, foster parenting, grandparents raising kiddos...caretaking is hard work.  We all face our challenges, especially in this time of pandemic.  Carry on my fierce friends...we got this!

Quarantined: Coronavirus Day 7

Two days before the quarantine began it snowed.  My kids had been waiting all winter for a good snow day.  However, it felt very weird and overshadowed by the announcement from the Washington State governor declaring that the schools would be closed for the next six weeks.  In some ways, the snow felt like it was mocking me. I recalled past snow storms and children homebound for nearly a week.  Now, there would six weeks or more of kids homebound.

I waited in a line longer than this at our local grocery store shortly after the governor announced that he was closing schools.  Me and everyone else apparently.  I have never in my life seen anything like this.  It is both parts terrifying and fascinating to watch.  

Our family is in the southern part of Washington State.  Washington has been one of the hardest hits states of the Coronavirus.  I have been challenged to keep up on everything while meeting the needs of my four children.  Many jumped into homeschooling this past week, I just couldn’t.  We are mostly set up online learning because of the hybrid school my kids attend. I have to admit I have felt somewhat ran over by a bus. Four kid in three different schools is tough.  Especially when you have three kiddos on IEPs. We did literally nothing this past week.  There were art projects, and coloring and play doh and paint.  But no formal education was done.  I focused most of my time helping my almost 10 year old process not having her birthday party on Saturday and why as she said “the world sucks right now.”

We have all taken to the new confinement in different ways.  Bella has been cleaning and organizing and rearranging furniture.  Bless.her.heart.  “Mom, can you help me move this dresser?”  Ummm....okay.  I walked into their room (she shares with her 4 year old brother) and she had rearranged his side of the room too.  

She has also been crafting her little heart out with anything that she can find.  I’m proud of her with all the anxiety she deals with that there has only been one break down this past week.

I’ve been cooking more...obviously.  I’ve been trying to make things better with some of their favorites.  I have been struggling so much with the thought of two of my kids having birthdays during the middle of this pandemic.  I want their days to be special.  Ugh...life is a lesson in flexibility.

Friends and family have reached out and sent some wonderful things to the kids to brighten their day.  As a mama, I appreciate this so much!  They were thrilled when these packages arrived.

I’ve been back at work online with VIPKID.  I was taking a break for a couple of months and had plans to return when the time changed back.  It just happened to coincide with the Coronavirus.  Not many classes booked for this next week, but I am okay with that.

 My kids favorite meme right now.  You know when Disney is closed there is a problem.

We’ve been filling our time enjoying the beautiful weather.  Badminton, chalk art and water tables all around.  Along with playing with the baby bunnies.

Trying out online classes...there was a bit of a technology learning curve for Grace at first.

 Brothers playing video games.

Did I mention...catching flies?  Oh yes she did!

We were able to take a long walk on Thursday out away from others.  “Social distancing...”. The new phrase.

Oh my husband...bless his heart and his comic relief to me right now.  I am the more anxious one, and well...he is what I like to refer to him as, “middle school Mark.”  Haha.  He is always close by with a hilarious meme, or crazy outfit to get me laughing.  I love this man.  He works so hard.  He is out there on trains right now making sure the freight gets through.  I try to not worry.  My worst fear is that somehow he gets stuck away from us in Pasco.  

We celebrated our first birthday in the pandemic.  Luke turned 17 today!  I spent a good week preparing for the fact that we may not be able to leave the house.  He was able to go fishing with his dad on Friday and he had a cake and presents and lots of love and phone calls.  Definitely a birthday he will always remember.  I have let him spend the majority of the day playing Fortnite.  Something I never do.  

“We don’t remember days...we remember moments.”

Week # 5 & 6 @ The Dahlhouse: Schedule Changes, Rabbit Show & A Birthday Party

Weeks 5 & 6 are together for this update because my trusted, loved and well used PC decided to give me the "blue screen of death."  I have fiddled around with it for awhile; however, I have decided to let a good friend and computer genius have a go at it, and see if he can revive my good friend.  If not...{crying} I will be looking for a new PC. We've had our current one for 4 years, but I am not ready to part with it.  I love that computer.  But for the time being, I am currently attempting to make friends with my new laptop, which I have never really figured out.  Most of my pictures are all on the computer, so I have attempted to salvage a few from social media to make this update. 

Week 5 continued as normal.  It was mostly a quiet week.  Matthew had therapy, and continues to make progress on his speech.  He has begun to say a few phrases such as "play-it", "ready-set-doe", "bye-bye," "ba-ba," "puppies" (every animal is a puppies), "tank-u", "peeze," "nope", "daaaa-deee," "mommeee," waa-er," "beep-beeps," "bus," etc.  He has yet to really say a sentence or connect more than two words together.  Even the two words together is very far and few between.  I try not to worry too much and remind myself he is making progress.  I am still waiting for an occupational therapy evaluation.  His teacher therapist said that the waiting list is 4 months.  I've already been waiting 6 weeks.  I went this route because they told me it would be quicker.  Ha.  I have been thinking I am going to ask Matthew's pediatrician for a referral to Legacy for a "real" OT evaluation.  Like most things, you get what you pay for.  If I am going to pay for the therapy, I want it to be quality and I know it is at Legacy.

Yesterday our little Man Cub celebrated his 2nd birthday with a household of our family and very dear friends.  My heart was very full as I looked around the house at our friends and family.  What a blessing and support they are to me.  The theme for his bday was surprise..."Trucks".  I had fun decorating and coming up with ideas ( thank you Pinterest). 

Two weeks ago, Mark was asked to mentor in Longview/Kalama again.  We were shocked and overjoyed!! This position means a predictable schedule and set days off.  I can't explain how going from "no schedule" to a set schedule has changed my life.  It always does.  We had just completed 7 months of being essentially "on call" all the time to now having a schedule.  It's crazy.  The position is always temporary, mirroring the supply and demand of grain and other crops they need to ship through the port.  But I am believing for at least a few months of some peace and predictability.

Last weekend, two of the kiddos participated in a 4H rabbit show.  This was Luke's first time showing his rabbit as a senior.  This is the top class that Luke can compete in.  He was very nervous to say the least.  However, he did a fantastic job.  I had a very fun time hanging out and visiting with the other moms and taking a small break from the little 2 year old.  It was a great day.

Railroad Wife

I love a man that can wear a baby!!!  And oh how I love my husband.  He works tirelessly to support our family, and even more...support me.  A little over a year ago, I stopped working and began raising our kids at home full time.  It was a difficult decision, knowing the alternative to me not working.  Mr. Fix-It (Mark) is fortunate enough to have different job positions available to him.  He can work in the Vancouver train yard terminal building trains...getting them ready to travel with their various cargo, or he can actually travel with the trains to Pasco, WA and back.  Mr. Fix-It is a train conductor and the first thing he would tell you is that it sounds more exciting than it actually is.  When he works in the yard he is able to have a set schedule and hours.  Mr. Fix-It enjoys the swing shift.  When he works the "road" or traveling with the trains, he has no set schedule and as his name rotates to the top of list he takes whatever train he is assigned to.  He could get a call at 3am.  It is almost impossible to predict any type of schedule.  Welcome to the world of being a Railroad Wife!

While I am VERY thankful for his job, as it as provided so many incredible things for our family, I find this schedule difficult for the children and I.  Having a son with special needs that thrives on predictability, having no clue what days dad has off is so agonizing for him.  We work through it as best as we can, but we all have our moments. 

Yesterday, after nearly a year of working in the "yard", Mr. Fix-it took his first train to Pasco, WA at 9pm last night.  Before he even kissed me good-bye, I was doing the ugly cry.  It wasn't for my lack of confidence or feeling like I couldn't handle it, however; it was more for the fact that I was going to just plain miss him.  He is my best friend.

So here we are entering another transition.  Hopefully the last for a long time.  I am slowly finding my way as a mother of four kiddos.  I am a walking a new path of caring for a newborn up to a teenager.  It is a little crazy at times!