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Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Farewell...

8 years ago I said one final good-bye to my dad.  He hugged me at the bottom of the stairs, told me he loved me and kissed me on my cheek.  As he ascended the stair case, I watched unknowingly the last time I would ever see my dad. He was young, at the age of 52, still a lifetime to live, places to go, babies to hold...but it was not meant to be. 

After he passed, my mom told me that while he was in the ICU, the sun shone bright through the windows and onto his face.  She went to close the blinds, but he stopped her.  He wanted to feel the warmth on his face.  He loved the sun.

Yesterday, while I was driving the kids up to our church, the sun was so bright and warm on my face, I couldn't help but think of my dad somehow reaching out in the only way he can.  And of course I had to stifle the tears.  The older I get...the more I miss him, the more I realize what he is missing, and how much I still need him.  The hole left from his passing will always remain void.  There is no substitution. 

The end of this month, my dad will finally make it to his final resting place.  His ashes will be scattered in the waters off of the beach at the Royal Lahina, Maui.  My grandmother's ashes were scattered in the same place several years ago.  There is no better place for my dad to be.  He loved Hawaii, he loved the sun. There is no other magical place like Hawaii.  It is captivating, beautiful, peaceful, serene. 

I could go and on and on about my dad, but I am already a blubbering mess and the font is blurry.  I will leave you with this song a sweet friend sent me today.  I love the band MercyMe. 

So...farewell dad...another year.  You are truly missed by so many.  Your time cut short, but your influence will forever shape the lives of the individuals you touched.  Love to you always...ME

"You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now"

2 comments:

Shelly Cunningham said...

Oh Carissa, I can only imagine the heartbreak of knowing he'll never hold your sweet miracle Bella or watch his grandchildren grow... I'm sorry.

Carissa said...

Yes Shelly it is difficult sometimes. Bella is really the spitting image of him though...the blonde hair and blue eyes and face shape.
We met Luke the same month my dad passed away in Nov 2003...Luke helped me during a really tough time and so did Carol's friendship to me.
I believe someday in heave my dad will get to hug my babies. I hope he gets to peek down sometimes.

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