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Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Crib

It's been awhile since any little one in my house slept in a crib.  Bella had a lovely white crib that was still very useful, but due to the drop sides was no longer safe.  We purchased this one at Target when we were going through the re-licensing process for foster care last year (which would be two and half years ago now).

Recently while spending some time cleaning Luke's room, I took the crib down to give him a little more space.  But when faced with the prospect of putting it in the attic, I found I couldn't.  Two summer's ago, God whispered to me, "I'm not done with you yet."  I have held on to this promise since.  So I moved it into our room.  It is a daily reminder to me of God's promise.

I had several miscarriages before Luke joined our family.  When I was pregnant the first time, I went out and bought the most beautiful wooden cradle.  I imagined myself rocking our soft bundle back and forth while singing softly in the darkness.  Several stuffed animals graced the inside of the white eyelet bedding.  When I lost our baby, I was devastated.  The cradle became a mysterious, secret piece of furniture that seemed to scream "empty" at me every time I would pass by it.  I would try and fill it full of stuffed animals and blankets but it's silence was deafening.  Eventually I would sell it because the pain was too great for me to handle.  Nothing quite turned out like I had planned.

I still feel reverence for the crib.  I still feel like it is sacred.  When it was finally time for a crib, I felt like I had accomplished something.  When we stood over Luke's crib, with him sleeping in it the first night he slept in our home it was a victorious win for my soul.

I went on to have many babies sleep in my cribs over the years (foster babies, adopted babies, biological babies)...Jennifer, Theresa, Gabe, Gracie, Jamie, Karma, Sophie, RJ, Tyson, Penelope, Zachary, Isabella, Robby, Kenneth, Levi and now Matthew (our grand finale).  They each teaching me something about myself, about love, about acceptance, about faith, about patience, about time. 

**I started this post several years ago, if you can believe that.  It has sat in draft form for awhile.  I was in the midst of knowing our family wasn't complete; however, totally unsure of how the completion would come.  I would wrestle with these thoughts almost daily.  In true God fashion He is never late.  His whisper of "I'm not done with you yet"  was fulfilled.  Several years ago, I would have almost 100% told you that our final child would be through adoption.  In my wildest imagination I never thought I would have another biological baby.  What an amazing journey and blessing to the completion.  God really writes the best stories.  And now...this crib...the exact one in the picture.. is set up in our room...and a sleepy baby occupies it finally after years of wonder and a whole lot of faith.

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