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Friday, January 9, 2009

A New Year = New Change

I am sitting at my computer tonight, and for the first time since I can remember, Mark will not be home tonight because he is working. I was naive to think that the economy would not effect us. Silly me. It is crazy that after four and half years working at the railroad and working the same shift for over three years, we are back to this. Because of his job, I have had to cut back my job to three days a week, which will start in February. I have to be able to take the kids to therapy and fill in where Mark was doing work with the kids. It is going to be crazy scheduling everything and making everything fit. Had I even known that this was a remote possiblility, I would have never worked this school year. Oh well. The Lord knows and has things working out for the best. So around here we are trying to have a sunny outlook and a positive attitude. We are counting the things we are thankful for even if it means a hard road for a little while. Hopefully things will be better in the Spring/early summer again. We will see.


Hot Belly Mama said...

Hi Carissa, this is Janelle. I blog also and I saw your link previously on facebook and added it my list of other blogs I read. I love to sit down and read whenever a new one pops up.
I woke up early this morning at 3 am and could not go back to sleep. This happens almost every saturday morning. The one day I am supposed to sleep in!

I noticed you had written a new one. I decided to look through all of your entries from the beginning and I just want to say that I nearly cried in some of them! I also have PCOs. I was diagnosed many years ago when I did egg donation for a friend but then my regular physicians would not believe the diagnosis because I didn't fit the "profile." It's a long story and one I should share later. But when we tried to get pregnant, it took us a while and then I when did finally get pregnant, it led to a miscarriage. After the miscarriage I refused to let it happen again. That also is another long story.

I wouldn't wish the loss of a baby on my worse enemy. But at the same time I know things about love and loss I didn't know before and in a strange way it's been a gift. I do write about the miscarriage in my blogs but I don't ever really write about the pain because I have not really addressed it yet. I had a miscarriage shortly after my grandmother died last year. It wasn't that losing her was a far greater pain than losing a baby. It was the mere fact that she was not here to share the loss with me. The year 2009 was a particularly challenging year for me and to be blessed with a pregnancy at the end was bittersweet.

I am now 15 weeks and I still worry about losing it. Every day I think to myself that I can't believe I made it this far. And then I think... Me? I get to have a baby? Me? No really? I get to have a baby? One thing about experiencing loss of a baby and lack of fertility is that both you and your husband see it for the gift that it is. For peace of mind, we bought a doppler and now every night we can hear the heartbeat and say goodnight to our little one.

I could share more and ramble on. But I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. If you get a chance one day, scroll down to the bottom of my blog and read up. I do talk a bit about it.

Blessings, Janelle

Mary said...

One thing about change is you know you are alive!!! We are all experiencing changes but the wonderful thing is to know that our wonderful Heavenly Father is in control and knows exactly what and how much we can handle. I will pray for you in this new season...and it is only a season! :) Thank the Lord for seasonal changes! We wouldn't want it to be winter all the time! Just look for the new things God is doing and be amazed of His wonderful grace and love for you! I love you...Auntie Mary

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