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Friday, July 2, 2010

Personality Plus...

Bella has taught me so much about myself. Not that my other kiddos have not taught me things. They each have provided me with life lessons that I have needed to walk through. I would never want anyone to think that Bella is better or that I feel differently for her. I look at each one as an individual story that has taken me on some of the most amazing journeys. Each one different, each one miraculous.

Luke taught me about God's wisdom and timing. He reminded me that God has a plan and that I needed to yield. After 2 miscarriages and my father passing away from cancer, I was certain that God had forgotten me. He must have hated me. I was nearly ready to give up on faith when...a sweet 8 month old boy crawled into my life. Not only did I meet my son, begin a journey to help kids, but I met an awesome family "Cunninghams" that would become another set of grandma and grandpa for my kids and a resource for me to find love, wisdom and help. Luke was a bringer of light into my dark world. "Bringer of light" is exactly what the name Luke means.
Grace taught me about God's unending favor....which, by the way, is exactly what Grace means. God purposed for me to rescue a sweet, round, blue-eyed baby girl. The first time we met she crawled into my lap and put her head on my shoulder. We took her home and began months of rehabilitation for a little girl that never smiled and was fearful of everything. We waited the amount of time we needed to adopt her and she was ours. We never had visits, or worked with the birth parents. She was just given freely to us. A gift we didn't earn or even deserve. A gift of a daughter.

And now to Bella...she has taught me about God's ability to heal and His Almighty power. How is that God can create a fully formed human being inside of a woman? I will always marvel at how miraculous it is that it works! Bella is sweet and beautiful and full of personality even at 3 months old. She makes me laugh and cry. Like her trying to sing along with me when I rock her to sleep. By the way...Gilmore our favorite show. I watched it everyday when I was pregnant with her and we watch every evening together. Who cannot love a show about a mother/daughter relationship that are friends? Bella loves the theme song to Gilmore Girls. It is the song that she tries desperately to sing with me. Did I mention the girl can eat? I can't wait to start solids with her because I think she will enjoy them. I love her more than I ever thought I could. And the sound of her makes me laugh so hard. She is the best part of me and the best part of Mark. You want to know a selfish thought? Of course you do....I absolutely love that she prefers me. With our other kiddos, Daddy was the preferred parent right of the bat. If they had a choice they would always choose daddy. I know that is normal and one day that is going to be true for Bella, but I am savory every moment that I am the preferred parent. I revel that I have the "magic touch" the "ability to calm her". It is just these things that I have missed...and these moments that I thank God for the incredible, amazing gift He has given. I certainly didn't deserve her, and did nothing to earn it. God just blessed me and I love Him for his awesome power, mercy and grace.


Hot Belly Mama said...

Oh, this made me tear! The true feelings of motherhood! I've been following your posts and watching photos of Bella grow up. I seriously cannot tell who she looks like at this moment. I see both of you in her and I think that is how it is meant to be.

What a wonderful post and wonderful love for your children. I love my husband and daughter so much it makes me ache. And yes, I know what you mean. Even at almost a year old, my daughter still reaches for me when she is hurt or tired. She says "mum-mum" in this sweet little voice and I melt everytime. I am soaking it up and enjoying it as much as I can. It's a wonderful feeling Carissa and I am so happy for you!

Oh, I think I will go hug my family now. Much love to you.

Logan and Jack's Mommy said...

Carissa, I loved the pictures of the other kiddos when they were little. So cute!
And I know what you mean about enjoying the moments when you are the preferred parent. I think it feeds my mommy ego!

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