Life @ The Dahlhouse: Recovery from a Hysterectomy

I made it to the other side of the surgery.  It is a good feeling.  A relief.  Finally, after six months of waiting the surgery has taken place, and I am on the path to recovery.  It will be a long, slow recovery.  Six weeks to be exact.  I want nothing more than to take the time, be slow, don't rush things, and let my body heal the way it needs too.  I have given myself permission to do nothing (which if you know me is uncharacteristic).  I have given myself permission to say no, nap and watch a ton of TV.  I am listening to my body...knowing what I am ready for and what I am not ready for.  I am taking care of me.

The surgery was a success.  Tuesday, June 26 started very early. In many ways the time and hospital reminded me of when I had my C-sections, however, there was enough difference to not make me think too much of that fact.  We checked in at short stay surgery and waited to be called back.  Once back in my pre-op room (221), I got to change into a hospital gown, socks and take a pregnancy test.  I chuckled to myself when the nurse announced it was "negative".  Oh good I thought.  Haha.

Because I was having robotic surgery, and they weren't certain which side they would be doing the procedure on, I was lucky enough to get two IVs.  One on each hand.  The nurse actually did a really good job and was successful the first time on each side.  I was asked a bazillion questions.  I met with two different anesthesiologists.  Dr. Jang and Dr. Lail.  They work in teams, however, Dr. Lail was the main anesthesiologist.  He was very funny and made me feel comfortable.  He answered questions and promised to keep me asleep and comfortable the entire time.  Due to my anxiety, he offered a medication to make me feel very relaxed on the way to the OR, and I gladly accepted.  Dr. Saner came and said hello and asked me if I had any last questions.  After that, things moved quickly.  The OR nurse came, Dr. Lail was there, and the moment he inserted the meds into the IV, I was very relaxed.  I told Mark good bye and they wheeled me down the hall.  I remember entering the OR, seeing Dr. Saner, and moving over to the operating table.  They put a mask over my nose and mouth and that was it.  I then woke up hours later in the recovery room.

My surgery ended up taking longer than anticipated.  It took awhile to get the robot set up and ready and then there were a few unexpected findings during the surgery.  One was that my bladder was adhered to my uterus with scar tissue from my previous csections.  Dr. Saner needed to remove the adhesions.  Then my uterus gave them trouble with them actually removing it.  I have a very small pelvis and that presented an issue.  They were finally able to remove it but it took extra time.  My surgery began at 7:30am and I remember seeing the clock in the recovery room and it said 11:30am.  Everything went well though, and I woke up fine.  I was very groggy the rest of the day, but no nausea (which I was very thankful for).

I was wheeled up to the fifth floor and stayed in room 509.  I don't really remember how I got there...haha.  Mark was waiting, as was the nurse.  All of the nurses I had were very kind, nice and helpful.  They really cared about helping me, how I felt, and making sure I was comfortable.  I was up and walking around by 5pm.  I had to leave the catheter in over night due to the messing with my bladder due to the adhesions.  But it really didn't bother me too much.  Dr. Saner came in an sat down to talk to me about 6:15pm.  She told me all about the surgery and answered some more questions.  She said she would be back tomorrow morning to discharge me.  A wonderful friend who works at Legacy came to visit me in the evening.  I was so happy so see her.  Around 10:30 I settled in for the night. Mark went home to be with the kids around 5pm.  It was very quiet.  I was going to ask for a sleeping pill; however, I fell asleep and slept till 5am.  The nurses left me alone, which was nice (or if they came in, I didn't know...LOL).  Mark arrived with Bella around 10:30 am and we left the hospital around 1pm.  I was very happy to have very normal blood pressures while I was in the hospital.  That was a win for me.

My mom watched the kiddos during the surgery day and for the next two days after I was home.   I was very appreciative.  The kids had a great time with her.  Meals have been arriving from family and friends and boy I am I grateful to not have to think about what to cook.  I am so, so thankful.

So now...it is a day by day process.  I feel a little better each day.  I have 5 incisions from the robot.  They are very small.  I have some internal stitches and my bladder still feels a little off, but each day it is better.  We are taking things very slow over here at the Dahlhouse and it's ok.  In a life that rushes by and moves at a fast pace, it is a good contrast to just be.  

The Missing Mom

I'm that mom...the one who is missing from the majority of family pictures.  I'm either behind the camera, or I politely decline to be in the pictures when others have offered to take them.  I have nearly a gazillion pictures of my kids (who are my joy!).  The ones that chronical their lives both individually and corporately. 

 The pictures that show how much they change and grow.

 The pictures that tell the story of conquering fears and triumphal victories.

The pictures that celebrate school events: concerts, plays, presentations.

 The pictures that make us laugh, and we want them documented to remember.

The pictures that celebrate new beginnings and another year passing. 

I cherish my pictures!  They are so precious to me, and I understand the importance of the gift they give by allowing you to capture a moment in time.  For everything to stand still, and to forever be able to look back and see how we were at that second.  Time goes by entirely too fast. 

Newborns grow into babies who grow in to toddlers, who grow into children who grow into teenagers.  Seriously I have lived that whole sequence in this past year.  And I look back and notice that while my children's lives are documented...mine is not. Oh I am there...in the thick and thin and the long nights, and the cleaning and the cleaning and the cleaning (so much cleaning these days).  I'm crying tears as they go off to kindergarten, standing close as they use a locker combination for the first time, encouraging them as they play the flute and clap their hands.  I'm just behind the camera (or on the sidelines).

It's vulnerable for me to be in front of the camera these days.  I used to enjoy having my picture taken (back in my teens and early 20s).  Not now.  I have a mama body and no where near my "goal weight" (whatever that is now!).  I've birthed two children, and labored years for my other two to be officially my babies.  I've battled PCOS, anxiety, depression, exhausted, fear.  I'm tired and carry the weariness of having adjusted to life as a mama of four and a new baby again.  The last thing I am wanting to do is get in front of a camera for everyone to see. 

My sweet friend, and amazing photographer, encouraged me to have my picture taken.  She has been taking pictures of my kids for almost a year.  I am so glad to have met her.  I signed my kids up for a Christmas PJ and cookies session.  My first thought was the kids would be so cute.  But then I started thinking of what a gift it would be to have my picture taken with them.  I want my kids to remember that I lived life with them and have something to look back on.  Not just in "selfies".  To remember that I was the mama that played Yahtzee, and dolls and colored...the mom that played the Wii, danced in the kitchen and sang in the car.  I want them to remember that I lived.  I want them to know that it is ok to not "have it all together" and to "look perfect".  We all have flaws.  And there is a beauty in that...in the mess.  So thank you Brienne for not only capturing us all beautifully, but for encouraging me...and for the gift of making time stand still.