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Monday, May 9, 2011

A Loss of Vision


I have been on a bit of a blogger break. That happens from time to time when I have to process news that is difficult for me. The news this last week wasn't what I expected and I have felt devistation.

Luke had another appointment at Casey Eye in the Glaucoma department. He has been taking visual field tests over the last year. There is a learning curve to these tests. This last one he took, last Tuesday, was the first one they actually counted. It showed that he has about half of the vision he should have peripherally. The specialist is now referring us on to a specialist in retina genetics. Even if they happen to find out what is causing this loss of vision they don't believe that there is anything they can do about it.

So...I cried, and I cried, because as his mom...I AM scared. I haven't done this before. Mark and I look at each other and ask "How do we do this?" How do we parent a child that is losing their eye sight? I will tell you one thing....IT CHANGES how you think. It almost feels as if we are frantically trying to give him as many "visual" experiences as we can so that he can have a frame of reference if he can't see. That is the reality of it. It totally sucks.

I took my students to the library last week. One of my students found these books tucked away and he brought one to me. It was a children's book written in braille. It took everything in me not to break down in the middle of the special ed library. "Is this my future?" I thought to myself. I sent my student to read with a staff assistant because I couldn't. I am not ready.

Life is continuing to move on. It does that. It doesn't stop for those of us feeling sorrow or despair. It requires you to dust off shoes and keep walking even if you HATE the path that you are going down. The only peace I find is that I know the LORD knew all of this before time and it is not a surprise to Him. He is able to help this mommy be exactly what LUKE needs me to be.

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