3 Years Ago This Month....

I said goodbye to our third bio baby. She never made it to our world and developed to 11weeks1day (the furthest I have ever made carrying a baby). I nearly had a panic attack when I realized this evening that her date had come and gone I hadn't thought of it or spent time reflecting on it. July 1, 2005, was when we received the news that she had passed from this earthly life to heaven. Those are moments that I will never forget. Since I made it the furthest with her, a natural miscarriage did not occur. Instead I had a D&C at Southwest Washington Medical Center. Physically it was not painful, as I was put under, but emotionally it was very difficult to check into a hospital carrying a baby and check out of the hospital "empty". I remember crying for nearly two days straight. Grief and hormone changes are horrible on a person. When you are in the middle of the grief you feel like your world will never be "normal". It amazes me that after three years I could let the day come and go and not reflect or remember. It could be due to the fact of our last foster baby leaving to live with his mom, and that I was very excited that Mark and I were going to spend some time with out any kids for a couple of days. Regardless somewhere in the midst of life I missed July 1. But, I remember. I dug through my remembrance box I have for all three of my bio babies. I have something to remember each by. I have two ultrasound pictures of babies #2, and #3. I have my resource hospital guide from the doctor. During my anger and grief, I actually threw the guide away in the garbage only to dig it out later when my senses returned to me and I knew that I would want to look at it someday (I was right). I have one maternity dress that I kept, notes from the nurse, cards everyone sent, my hospital bracelets, and then my necklace. I don't know if any of you know but I wear a necklace that has a charm for each of my kids (not including foster kids). The charms have the birthstone of when they were born. The first is a pair of shoes and a Sapphire for our first babe, the second is a ring with a Sapphire for our second babe, next is Luke's with an aquamarine for March, third is a ruby for our third babe, next is another aquamarine for Grace. It is my daily memorial for all my kids, plus it is close to my heart. I know that one day I will see my babies again and I trust that Lord is using them for His mighty purpose and plan. Plus, I know that they are probably keeping my dad busy. In the picture are a few mementos of my third baby born too soon in July of 2005.