Monday, May 16, 2022
Rise Up
Tuesday, April 13, 2021
New Year: New Goals 2021
The new year began as it always does, with Mark and I celebrating our anniversary. It is number 22 this year! I wish we were celebrating in a tropical climate with sand and beach and sun, but COVID has taken so many things. We were grateful to find a place to eat and be served at a restaurant. It was glorious! The things we have taken for granite. As we have done for the past several years, we plan our year together. We talk about all our goals (personal, financial, work, friends, etc.). We make adjustments to monthly budgets and talk about our hopes and dreams for the coming year. I used to be the one in the relationship that HATED planning anything too far in the future. But, now, I am a PLANNER! It thrills Mark I have come over to the dark side! Ha!
Some of our GOALS for 2021 are:
- Pay off all of our credit card debt (OUT OF Credit Card DEBT!!!)
- Be able to attend church in person again (crazy this is even a goal...again thank you COVID)
- Pay off the van early (by September)
- Family reunion in Hawaii (fall)
- Pay Cash for new roof for our home (accomplished March 2021)
- Exercise 5 times per week
- Lose 25 pounds
- Attend Dental Assisting School (a newer dream of mine)
- Get Matthew to eat a chicken nugget
- Buy my Louis Vuitton Bag
- Read 12 Books
Sunday, October 4, 2020
Day 192: Grief
There is not one of us that has gone unscathed by grief during this pandemic. It is a lingering friend, that has overstayed their welcome. How many of you can identify something you are grieving about? I can look around in my small inner circle of friends and family and identify all kinds of grief in the last 165 days. Some have had to cancel travel plans and trips, and others the grief over losing their jobs. Some...have been dealing with the unthinkable grief of losing a loved one during this time. As if that is not hard enough (grieving for your loved one), they are often grieving the loss of being able to plan funerals and memorial services they way that they would have liked to.
In my immediate family, my kiddos have grieved the loss of their "normal" world of school and friends. In a matter of days, they lost their entire social circles, schools, teachers and routine. Now, many months later they are grieving the start of their school years, by clicking buttons to enter and exit virtual classrooms. My daughter started high school in her bedroom on a chrome book. It was surely not the "welcome to high school" experience that I wanted for her. The littlest Dahl has been asking to go to school everyday for the past two weeks. "I want to go to school," he exclaims. I wish buddy...I wish.
Grief has touched each one of us. Myself included. I have shared this with approx. three people. In February, I applied for graduate school. It has been a dream of mine since 2005 to earn my masters degree in education. I came very, very close to finishing my masters degree in 2007, and took a leave of absence from college because we had just adopted our second kiddo (Grace). To make a long story short, I wasn't able to complete the last couple of classes due to miscommunication and a paper filing error on the schools part.
It has taken me nearly nine years to let all of that go, to forgive and to have the courage to say, "I would like to try again." So in February, I began the application process at George Fox University to earn my masters in education with a specialization in reading and literacy. It took ALOT of work to apply. Essays, letters of recommendation, transcripts, etc. It was a long process. I finally heard in July that I had been accepted into the program! I was so excited!!! I paid the registration fee to hold my spot. One week later...I found out that my kids would be distance learning again. After so much soul searching I realized that I would not be able to do both (grad school and distance learn with my kids). I contacted my advisor to tell him the news. It was a very difficult call for me. Ultimately, we decided to defer my start date until next fall and thankfully I do not have to reapply. Giving that up this year was difficult for me and I am still processing the grief.
We’ve all lost things this year. In fact, I have heard many people describe 2020 as “the lost year.” I can’t help but thinking, “was there some great lesson I am supposed to be learning from all this?” But..maybe there isn’t any lesson to be learned. Maybe life just is hard sometimes. Circumstances stink and life isn’t fair. I can’t control anything, and that is a scary feeling. The one thing I can control is myself, my reactions, my attitude. I’ll be honest...I’ve thrown some pretty ripping fits during all of this COVID crap. I am not proud. So not proud. But more times than not I’ve been patient, or caring or tried to do the right thing. So take heart my friends...keep showing up, keep trying, keep taking it day by day. We can all get through this. We can exist in spaces of grief and joy, sorrow and happiness, all
at the same time.
Sunday, August 23, 2020
Coronavirus: Day 155
There isn't one person that hasn't been affected by this virus. That thought is both comforting and unbelievable. Never in my lifetime did this possibility ever enter my mind. Despite the changes, and masks, and social distancing, and mandates and new rules...life continues on. My dear readers...since life goes on even during the craziest of times, this is my attempt to catch you up on the goings on of life in our Dahlhouse. Enjoy.
Let's start with the littlest Dahl. Matthew is nearly 4.5 years old. Wait...he is 4.5 years old today! Crazy. He is my little ray of sunshine, my sweet buddy and shadow...that is unless dad is around. Then, I don't exist. He has finally fully potty trained, even at night. Bless! He continues to be obsessed with trains and vehicles. Our house is one big area for building railroad tracks...upstairs, downstairs, tables, couches, under furniture, down the stairs...doesn't matter. If there is open space, Matthew sees an opportunity to conduct his little trains all around the tracks. He is at the age where he is looking for validation and feedback from adults. So it seems every two seconds, "Hey mom, look at __________." I respond to him and then the next five seconds, "Mom look at this cool railroad track," or "Mom are you proud of me?" He has really began verbalizing and expressing himself where anyone can understand now. In early September we have an appointment for another evaluation for feeding therapy at a new clinic. I still feel there is work to be done in this area. I have promised myself that I wasn't going to worry or "borrow trouble" over the lack of variety in his food choices during the coronavirus. But, I would be lying if I didn't mention that those thoughts exist in the back of my mind.
The littlest Dahl lady is our regular comic relief. I continue to write down all the amazingly humorous comebacks she has. Bella enjoys helping me around the kitchen, jumping on the trampoline and playing with her best friend on our street. I am so thankful that she has a sweet friend to play with. I often find them creating elaborate stories and worlds for their dolls. It makes me smile as I eavesdrop on their conversations. I am so glad they just get to be kids right now, even in the midst of a pandemic. Bella has been very artistic and dabbling in just about every form of art medium there is. She has also taken to rearranging her room four to five times since March (just like her mama).
Grace is our in house baker and has been making the most delicious baked goods. Snickerdoodles, brownies, banana bread, cowboy cookies, no bake cookies, rice crispy treats. She is amazing. Grace is very into Kpop these days (Korean pop music) like most of her friends. She enjoys her group of girl friends and I am so thankful that they have been able to get together more and hangout.
Luke has spent a lot of time learning the ways of Minecraft. I enjoy hearing his conversations from downstairs while he is playing with his friend. Well...mostly. My boy can be LOUD! Every so often from the family room I hear Luke upstairs yell, "Yaaaaaa.....let's GOOOOOO!" or "I need help, I need help, I need help." It makes me smile. Luke and I have played a lot of board games. Currently, Sequence is our fav. I think I am on a winning streak right now. I do not go easy on my kids when it comes to games. Lol. We've also dabbled in a bit of Monopoly too.
Mark has been working tirelessly for BNSF. He will celebrate his 16th year with his company in October. After nearly two years working the road and traveling with the trains, he is coming back to the yard to work a predictable schedule and have set days off. It is time. We all miss him terribly and the weird, unpredictable hours have been more difficult for him. Also, with this year going to be distance learning for awhile with four kids, Mark's help will be extremely valuable. He looks forward to doing projects, hunting and fishing and finally being able to ride his motorbike. I am so, so grateful for his hard work for our family.
I have been keeping things together here at the Dahlhouse, or at least attempting to. I started a new independent contractor position with a company called Outschool. It's been amazing so far. I am writing and creating classes and teaching them via Zoom. It has been awesome to not have to get up at 4:00am and also get to tap into my creative side. I'll be scaling back some of my classes this fall because I have to make certain that I am fully available for my kids and their distance learning schedules. I continue to go to my weekly therapy sessions with my counselor. I am so thankful to have someone to help with my mental health during this time of the Coronavirus. I am certainly not ashamed to say hey, "I need help." It makes me a better mom, a better wife, a better friend and a better version of myself.
As we begin gearing up for fall, I am reminded that this season of pandemic will end. It will not be forever. I am holding onto that thought, and believing for brighter days ahead.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Coronavirus: Railroad Wife Edition (Day 66)
Friday, May 15, 2020
Quarantined: Coronavirus Day 61
She has also asked me to teach her how to sew. Now...my sewing are pretty basic, but it didn’t stop us from making a Pioneer girl dress and bonnet for her social studies class.
Buying concessions at our favorite local movie theatre and having family movie nights.
I was so happy to be able to celebrate Mother’s Day at a social distance with my mom and Roger. It made me feel happy to see them and talk to them even though we couldn’t hug. Mark BBQd and I set up this special social distance space for them and to honor mom on Mother’s Day. We were able to FaceTime with my brother and sister and it was almost the perfect day. It would have been perfect had David and Katie been with us. I miss them so much.
Last weekend we had some great weather, and since neither Mark nor I are saying “no” to anything at this point, the littles talked him into blowing up their pool and floats. And they swam the afternoon away.